Can you break up and still be friends

Under the right circumstances, staying friends can actually be a healthy choice. If you share children, live together, work together, or are just better off as friends, staying friends can help your future interactions. When your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, it could very well mean that they want to maintain a true friendship. Perhaps you were a significant part of their life, and they still care about you and would miss you if you were gone from their life.

Breaking up does not necessarily mean that the person no longer cares about you or wants to be out of your life. However, if you think your ex wants to be friends to keep you close or to prevent you from moving on, perhaps you should consider setting boundaries for the friendship.

The wisdom of staying friends with an ex can vary depending on the relationship. If you had an unhealthy romantic relationship, if your ex was toxic or broke your trust, you might have difficulty finding friends in your heart. But if you can turn a romantic relationship into a platonic one, when you are better off friends but still want someone in your life, some people can actually be healthier as friends.

If you have mutual friends, you might not have much choice in the matter. To maintain a group dynamic or keep friends who want to hang out with you both, it can be healthy to find a way to be happy and content around your ex.

Keeping in touch with an ex is typically only healthy when you know it is not taking a toll on your mental wellbeing. If you share mutual friends, make sure to set boundaries and speak up for yourself if you notice the contact becoming toxic.

Sometimes, even a healthy relationship can result in an unhealthy friendship after a breakup. Becoming friends after a breakup might prevent either of you from moving on.

Make sure to consistently evaluate the situation and make the choice that best serves your wellbeing. That will bring up sad memories for you both. Simply say, "Joe, I am trying to find a job that will allow me to travel, and you're a homebody. A long-term relationship probably just isn't right for us. Try saying something like, "We have misunderstandings far too often.

We can probably find other people that understand us better. Avoid adding extra reasons just for emphasis. Even though you don't want to continue seeing this person, there's no need to criticize every little thing about them. You're not going to date this person anymore, so there is no reason to announce that his siblings were bossy and his mom was nosy.

Don't blame their pets. If you were allergic to the cat in the beginning of the year-long relationship and stayed around, that cat has nothing to do with the break up. Making other trivial claims, like that they live too far away, is just not necessary. Method 2. Give your ex some space at first. Take some proactive steps to ensure that you both feel the same way. If the ex agrees to trying to be friends, be chill for awhile. If you start texting or calling right away, your ex might get confused and think that you want to get back together.

Respect their wishes if they say no. If the answer is yes, don't be tempted to send cute text messages or post links or memes on their Facebook wall.

Try not to show up at your ex's favorite places when you know there's a good chance they will be there. It will seem like you are forcing an interaction. Set some ground rules.

You need to convey your needs and expectations, and your ex certainly needs to weigh in. Discuss how you expect a friend to behave. Ask your ex to define friendship, too. You have to make sure that you have the same goals in mind before continuing.

Your ex might not be that comfortable with seeing you frequently since you are the one who initiated the break up, so give them a lot of leeway in establishing parameters.

Allow your ex to make the plans the first couple of times that you meet. They may feel more comfortable when feeling in control.

Treat this person as a true friend. Avoid blowing off your ex. You might end up embarrassing yourself. No one likes to feel like an afterthought. Method 3. Keep track of how often your ex asks to see you. If they contact you several times a week, is it really just to catch up or because they still pine for you? Making excuses to see you signifies lingering feelings, so be aware that the friendship might not be healthy. An attempt to stay friends may be a kindness if it suggests an attachment or a respect that transcends the circumstances of the romantic relationship, for instance.

It can be a cruelty, however, when it serves to pressure the jilted party into burying feelings of anger and hurt. As a result, how to interpret or act on the suggestion of a post-breakup friendship is one of the great everyday mysteries of our time.

There are four main reasons, Rebecca Griffith and her colleagues found, why exes feel compelled to maintain a friendship or to suggest doing so: for civility i.

For instance, Griffith and her team found that friendships resulting from unresolved romantic desires tended to lead to the most negative outcomes, like feelings of sadness, challenges moving on romantically, and disapproval from other friends. One surprising finding was that extroverted people were less likely to remain friends with an ex—romantic partner.

But the researchers and historians I spoke with for this story generally agreed that in the history of relationships, staying friends or attempting to is a distinctly modern phenomenon, especially among mixed-gender pairs. The experts also agreed that two of the concerns that most often lead to an offer of post-breakup friendship—the worry that a social group or workplace will become hostile, and the worry that the loss of a romantic partner will also mean the loss of a potential friend—are relatively modern developments themselves, made possible by the integration of women into public society and the subsequent rise of mixed-gender friendships.

For much of the 20th century, she says, the assumption was that the things men and women did together were date, get married, and have families.